Project 21.

“Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.”
- George Bernard Shaw

 

That's a pretty well known quote, one that's probably been heard so often that it's lost all its meaning. I definitely heard it a lot when I was a teenager, it seemed apt for such a time of change. But I didn't like it, I thought it meant falseness. After all, I was also being told to love myself for who I was so surely that was at odds with Shaw's sentiment? What was so wrong with me as I was that I needed to "create" myself anew? 

But the times are changing and suddenly I'm feeling fonder of that phrase. When you were a teenager you may have consoled yourself with the idea of who you were going to become. When you were struggling zits and unrequited love did you imagine that wonderful "one day" when you'd be gorgeous and glowing, with the ability to win the hearts of everyone? We all did, right? (Or am I just giving way too much insight into my teenage angst?)

Thing is - what's stopping you being that person? Some things that you wanted when you were 15 you no longer want. Others things stick with you. Several things stuck for me and while I wish that they would come naturally - heaven knows it would make life easier - they're not going to. So Project 21 is about my attempts to "create" myself. 

Three weeks seems an excellent length of time to embark on something, to see if I like it, can integrate it into my life and whether I think it's actually worth hanging on to. I'll choose something I want to try and make a part of my life and do it for 21 days. I'll blog once a week about it because every day is probably a bit excessive!

My first Project 21 is going to be yoga. I was very into it a few years ago when I was in college, before my uni schedule swept it away. Since then I've thought longingly of those early morning and late night stretches, but once you're out of the habit it's hard to get back into it.

I intend to practice yoga every day for 21 days, starting today.

I'm going to check out my local Jivamukti centre for and at the very least I'll be practicing a 20 minute or so Sun Salutation, preferably in the morning although my twice-weekly 6am starts will mean a couple of evening sessions. The aim is just to do it every day. 

I've already got an idea for Project 21 take 2 so here's hoping this first one goes well!

Exhaustion = Inspiration?

After an exhausting week I find myself facing a busy weekend. In fact, looking at my diary, not only am I working a 12 hour shift as well as my regular 10 hour shift next week, but I’m not due any down time until next weekend. You have no idea how much I’m looking forward to that weekend. I can see it now: me, in my slanket, a book, a cup of tea, the sofa. I’m only leaving the house for jalapenos, black beans and a gentle little run (maybe). Because sometimes, I just need to recharge my batteries. So don’t even try to get me out and doing anything more energetic than a jog. It ain’t gonna happen.

I am gradually getting into the routine of my new – hopefully permanent – rota. So now I’m slowing adding to my week. This week I successfully added in the hours that I can collaborate with my script-writing partner (although that’ll take a battering this week with that big fat 12 HOUR SHIFT). This week’s challenge is to fit in at least three runs while figuring out how to work Run Keeper from my Android phone. This is possibly a challenge too far…

Still, despite the long hours at work and the hours wasted travelling there and back I am not lacking in inspiration. The strange thing with me is that when I have all the time in the world, words are not forthcoming as when I’m trudging to the train station at 7am with my flask in one hand and brolly in the other. It’s like they know I really ought to be making productive use of the day.

In fact I always found at uni that I was at my most productive and creative when it was term-time and I was juggling lectures, deadlines, reading and my part-time job. In the summer, when I always intended to write loads and steal a march on the upcoming year, I always ended up craving fiction. My brain just refused to produced – it wanted to consume. The same happens on my weeks off and during those vast sands of unemployment. What my brain demands is a rest from producing and thinking. What fiction is for me and my brain is grist to the meal because when I’m back at work or wading through a to-do list that reaches my belly-button, I’ll be musing vaguely on something I just read or watched and through a convoluted train of thought I’ll arrive at a spark of an idea.

It also helps that being busy, having a life beyond the tapping of keys and the glow of a computer screen brings you into contact with people, events, snippets of conversation… gossip basically. I have to admit to lapping up the tales my friends tell – everything from funny things that happened to them and stuff that happened to their friend’s-brother’s-cousin-in-law’s-wife.

And yes, I have to confess, some of those stories have made their way into my notebook.

Hello 2011!

Remember me saying that I was certain 2011 was going to be a great year? Well, I still think that but it didn’t get off to a flying start. I started to feel a little odd on Boxing Day and then the next day, I woke up feeling a little achy and thought I must have slept funny. By that evening though it was clear that I’d caught something. Turns out I got the norovirus! I popped out Monday before I got really ill and today was the first day out since then. Felt absolutely rotten and bored beyond all possible belief. I had such a great pile of books for Christmas (mindful of how many Arthurian books I’d taken out of the library, Mum got me a stash of my own!) and I couldn’t read one, just didn’t have the energy.

Mum also got me Our Tragic Universe by Scarlett Thomas for Christmas. I read it last year and thought it was wonderful. I read it when I was in my government-funded job and was feeling just as lost as Meg in the book. I reviewed it on Vulpes Libris and it was my pick for November’s book of the month at the Big Green Bookshop. So to ease me back into reading I’m re-reading it. I’m finding Thomas’s prose just as delicious the second time round, but I’m curious to see if I respond to it as enthusiastically now that I feel more settled and focused.

So my big New Year wasn’t the greatest party ever. I admit to sitting in bed, hugging a hot water bottle and scowling when I could hear all the fireworks and the laughing and singing. This virus made me lose 4lbs! I had a new dress! I was going to look great and have a great time! Still, there’s always next weekend. But I did manage my usual New Year ritual of having a clear out. I like to start the year with a clean slate.

I’m back to work tomorrow. I was very annoyed that I had to take Thursday and Friday off last week, given that I’ve only been there five minutes, so I’m glad to get back there. I’m also going to ease myself back into my running, that’s one of my resolutions and another one is to always carry my alcohol hand rub with me! I don’t want anymore viruses!

And last but by no means least, I was very sad to hear this morning that Pete Postlethwaite, “the best actor in the world” according to Steven Speilberg, died yesterday. I really admired this man, he seemed a genuinely good bloke and was a brilliant actor. I first saw him in Dragonheart, years ago and he never disappointed me. I have a list of actors I really rate and want to see live on stage and he was on that list. I’m sad that I’ll never see him on stage, but I’m just glad that he’s left behind such a wealth of great film and TV work. He will be very sadly missed.

The girl gets a makeover.

A lot of things happen when you give up chocolate, cake and biscuits. I thought I’d be absolute hell to live with considering I build my day around chocolate breaks and biccies keep me going between breakfast and lunch. But I’m actually not too bad, occasionally a bit tetchy, but that’s nothing. And hey, half way through the month and I’ve only suffered a two day wobble (hardly my fault when there was a CARRIER BAG of chocolate buttons in the house!) And I’m starting to get these looks from le fam. Little sideways ones when they think I’m not looking, while they’re having tea and biscuits and I’m just sipping my green tea. They’re actually starting to look quite impressed.

Secondly, you lose weight. I hadn’t realised that I actually eat pretty healthily and I don’t eat loads. Take away all those sugary snacks and I’m a breakfast-lunch-dinner girl. It’s surprising how pecking away at biscuits between meals, cake for elevenses and chocolate for pudding makes you think you’ve eaten loads that day. Which – calorie-wise – you probably have.

Anyway, I’m doing less running because it’s getting too chilly for a wuss like me, but I’ve got back into Pilates and yoga. Pilates had slid away when I got into running and I had forgotten that it was actually a cardio workout and crikey, it doesn’t half make your legs ache. But combined with the no-sugar-month the results were super speedy and I’m feeling pretty good. Bring on that Christmas Little Black Dress! I’ll be cranking up the Flirt-o-Factor so watch out Laaandaaaan!

So, my skin is glowing because I’ve been so healthy these last couple of weeks and I’ve got into the habit of drinking water when a sugar craving hits. I’m feeling pretty fit and good about my figure.

And then insomnia made me decide to cut my hair. I was tossing and turning and when your hair reaches down almost to the middle of your back, it gets in the way. I woke up with a birds nest and spent nearly ten minutes untangling it. And that was it, its fate was sealed. But my good mate C couldn’t fit me in for a cut for a couple of weeks so it’s been driving me mad for a while. So when it went I was totally ok with it. Relieved even. I would have gone shorter, I love cute little bobs, but I’m lazy and this is just long enough that I can tie it up if I don’t have time to style it or I’m having a bad hair day.

And here’s the results (posing is not my forte):
 
In other news, I’ve received a couple of ever so polite rejections. The sort that made me think that in any other time I might have made it to the interview stage. This is both heartening and depressing! Still, I’m plugging away and that’s the main thing.

The writing goes well too, which is wonderful and possibly the only thing that’s keeping me from climbing on the roof and going “Wooooee is meeeeeee!” And, rather excitingly, I’m going to a script-writing class on Monday. This makes me very happy indeed!

Oh and this week is Shakespeare Week on Vulpes Libris and it’s been rather wonderful. Here’s the link to my contribution: Shakespeare and Me