Dear 2012, the year that will be.

So here is it. A brand new year, rising grim and grey and just a tiny bit hungover. Breathe in that anti-climax. It is always like this – there’s a point between Christmas and New Year that’s like being in suspended animation and you just want the New Year to come already! And then it does, in a great gleaming rush of music, dancing, fireworks and ill-advised snogging. So in the end, despite all your best intentions, you crawl out of bed halfway through the 1st January, aching in places you never knew you had and unable to bear the thought of a run and a salad.

Ah, New Year. How I love you.

Because despite all this I love the promise of a New Year. A smooth sheet of white paper which you can blot or write a masterpiece on. 2012, be prepared to be my masterpiece.

This year I have no resolutions – it’s too easy to say things like Lose weight, Tone up, Save £1,000.

This year, I’m just going to savour it.

I’m going to do my best to keep up my running, Zumba and yoga sessions. I’m going to be mad busy at the beginning of the year so I’ll need these to get out of my head and keep myself sane.

I’m going to work damned hard at my course. I’m going to face those “What if I’m totally crap at it?” thoughts and then wave them away. I am not going to be crap. I’m going to work too hard to be crap.

I’m going to keep dressing to impress – it makes me feel good.

I’m going to see loads of my friends. I can too easily wrap myself up in thoughts and work and that’s no good for me. I’m going to get out and see my peeps.

I’m going to keep on with the cooking. I don’t suck! It tastes good! It’s healthy! Everyone’s a winner!

I’m going to stay positive. Affirmations are their own kind of magic.

Now do excuse me, I’m off to make come hither eyes at 2012 while I brew up my tenth green tea of the day.

*Bows out*

Dear 2011, the year that was.

Oh how the times do change. This year has been great. Ok, so I don’t have the job I love (yet!), I didn’t win the lottery or get engaged to Richard Armitage (yet!). But I can honestly say that 2011, you have been good to me. Before we hit 2012, here are 12 things that 2011 taught me:

1. Things can only get better. This time last year I thought that things could only get better because they couldn’t get any worse. I know that things can only get better in 2012 because the foundations have been laid in 2011 for a great year and a great future.

2. Good times and bad times make a friendship. They say you learn who your true friends are when the shit hits the fan. But you also learn who really cares when things start coming up roses. Also you can stay friends with someone, even if they have buggered off to Australia. In-depth conversations about Buffy the Vampire Slayer are go! 

3. Having direction brings positivity. This year I finally realised what I wanted to do with my life. Or, more accurately, how I wanted to pursue it. In only a matter of weeks I will be starting a course, training as a make-up artist. This thrills and terrifies me in equal measure.

4. Never go back. Whatever old feelings might come crashing back, the past doesn’t change. Always move forward. Like a shark. Let it go and you open yourself up to much cooler things.

5. Personal style is important. I always used to say that I didn’t really care what I looked like, that what was inside was what mattered most. At the same time I didn’t want to look like everyone else. But this year I took control of my appearance. I threw away every item of clothing that I didn’t like, didn’t suit me, didn’t wear. I started to think about what I wore, how I did my hair. I started to think about what I bought. I bought and wore only things I loved – both new and vintage. It’s amazing how much a bright outfit that you feel really good in can make the day start in such a great way.

6. Dancing is essential to life. Not only is the best work out ever – I know this because I ache the next morning – it puts you in the best mood! No matter how crap your day, how tired you are or how blue, shaking it on a sticky dance floor to epic tunes will fill you with joy. Don’t even get me started on Zumba!

7. People are inspirational – find them. I have found such inspiration in the following blogs: GalaDarling.com (check out her book Love & Sequins – too good!); A Beautiful Mess; Bangsandabun.

8. Kundalini Yoga is an addiction. It just makes me feel so good – so calm and exhilarated afterwards. I’m totally addicted to it. I’m not the world’s greatest runner, this is much more my thing. I still try to run at least once a week though. Exercise really does make you feel great in your own skin.

9. Natural beauty is the ultimate. I use raw cocoa butter from Akoma which I melt down in silicone cupcake cases with a drop of olive oil and a few drops of essential oils. I use it as a massage bar and it is a delicious treat. Also, Lush facial skincare has been wonderful to me.

10. TV steals your soul. All right, that’s a bit dramatic. But I live in a house with people who worship the great soap trinity: Eastenders, Coronation Street, Emmerdale. I’ve always watched them too. Out of habit I flick on the TV when I’m cooking, cleaning, generally whenever I enter a room. I’ve well and truly shaken that habit and I’d encourage you to try it. These days I live for Doctor Who, Merlin and Downton Abbey (which jumped the shark big time, which I sort of love) but otherwise I rarely watch TV. It’s freed up so much time for exercise, writing, reading and chatting with friends.

11. Validation is important. Much as you might tell yourself that you are talented, much as your friends and family might agree, there is something really powerful about being told you’re good by a stranger.

12. Positivity breeds delight. Nothing is so awful that it can’t be faced. Look for the good and you’ll find it as surely as you’ll find the bad.

The Blog That Was: 2011 edition

So the blog has been running for over a year now and I’ve been reviewing for Vulpes Libris for over two years. As I’m planning stop blogging in 2012, I thought it might be nice to revisit some of the posts I’m most proud of as well as blogs from other people that have had a particular effect on me.

Dear London: In which I write a love letter to my city in the aftermath of the London riots.

Lessons to be Learned: In which I address the sneaking incipience of casual racism.

Define Thyself: In which I define myself. Obvs.

Ten years ago today: In which I give my personal memories of 11th September 2001.

Over to Vulpes Libris, where I say Goodbye to Harry Potter and friends and look at Arthurian Legend.

Now for other blogs:

This is porn to an organisation junkie like me: A Filofax love affair!

Inspiration for gloomy days: The Radical Self Love Manifesto and The Sad Trombone List.

Whenever procrastination hits, this is where I go: The Wild Donkey Guide To Getting Things Done

For happy days read My Top 50 Awesome Happy Things List and for giggles, watch Bangs Goes Rap.

And, last but not least, you should check out The Pursuit of Life. She’s a great friend of mine and she’s doing something pretty amazing!

24 before 25.

Today is my 24th birthday. I’ve got the day off work so I’m off for a facial and massage with Mum and Nan (thank you, Groupon, for the dead cheap voucher) and then perhaps to Camden. The day is to be rounded off with some yummy food and some cake.

But I’ve been thinking recently that a birthday should be more than just an excuse to pamper yourself and get presents. It’s your own personal New Year!

I was inspired by this post last year and decided that I would do my own list. Reading over my list, there’s an awful lot of craft and learning based goals. Trying something new or rediscovering something I used to love. Here’s hoping these goals will really enrich my year! Some of these goals are ones that will have a result at the end of it, some of them are a little more fluid.

1. Actively pursue looking for an agent. I need to focus on it, rather than just browsing sites when I have a minute and then forgetting to do anything about it.

2. Get faster, go further. Seriously want to improve my running. I already have a regular monthly running date with a friend, so I  really want to focus on upping my personal best each time. And then totally smash it.

3. Finish up Novel Number 2, The Daddy. Slightly more of a challenge than I thought it would be as I’m still finishing up the edits on Novel Number 1.

4. Buy (at least) 3 vintage/second-hand/charity shop dresses. Better for the environment and I’ll have something no one else has. Already planning a trip to a vintage fair on Sunday!

5. Sew a new item of clothing for myself, I haven’t since I made a skirt when I was 15. I might even treat myself to this kit.

6. Knit a jumper. I can knit a scarf, but I want to make clothing. And this also means learning to read a pattern. Which may as well be in Hindi for all the sense I can currently make of them.

7. Give up bread! This isn’t some bizarre diet attempt. I absolutely adore bread, but it makes me lazy. If I can’t be bothered to cook, I know I can fill up on a couple of slices of toast. If I vow to eat less bread, then it will encourage me to cook more. Expand my culinary repertoire!

8. Visit an outdoor adventure place. I don’t think this needs more explanation really does it?

9. Look into a course about web design. I know precisely nothing about anything technical, but I’d love to know more. I can’t think of a better way to learn than by going back to school.

10. Finish up that epic poem and make it up into a book, complete with illustrations! I started it in 2009 and I’m very fond of it so I want to see it finished to see how the story ends. When I did GCSE I particularly loved the drawing stage, I found it really relaxing, even if some of the designs were beyond my sewing capabilities! But now I put it off because I’m not that good at it so I think it’s about time I rediscovered the fun and perhaps with practice I’ll get better!

11. Listen to more radio programmes. I kept hearing about someone in The Archers falling off a roof and realised that radio can get you talking just as much as TV. Also, I need to get out of this habit of getting into watching something just because it’s on in the room I happen to be in.

12. Knit a sock. Yes, just the one. Two if I can manage it, but I hear tell that socks are fiendishly difficult so one would make me very proud indeed!

13. See the very last Harry Potter film and really enjoy it. All too often I think – not as good as the book and terribly cast. But this series has been part of my life since I was 11 years old and thanks to the films I didn’t have to say goodbye when the last book was published in 2007. So I’m going to enjoy this!

14. Do the splits! Yes, this is a dream of mine.

15. See three new plays. I love the theatre, but I find it expensive and booking tickets always seems to be such a hassle (is it just me? But I can never find three seats together on the same night that aren’t the price of a champion racehorse!)

16. Make a real go of some freelancing work.

17. Join a club. I haven’t really thought this one through because I don’t know what club! But I’m going to keep my eyes peeled for something interesting and hope I can meet some inspiring new people. A London writers club would be wonderful. Any ideas, let me know!

18. Go to a big sewing/knitting/vintage/craft event. I love craft, do-it-yourself and vintage and all the blogs seem to find these events a lot of fun. So I’d like to join in on that fun and maybe learn something new.

19. Visit an antiques fair. I blame Kirsty Allsopp for this.

20. Visit Wales. I hear they have great trails there. And a howies shop…

21. Go horse-riding. I think the last time I rode I was about 14 when I was working in a stable. Then came the GSCEs, the A-levels and university. Time to get back in the saddle I reckon!

22. Join a pottery class or at least make a coil pot at home. Again – enough with the “Ooo, that looks good, I’d like to try that.” I’m going to do it!

23. Do a poetry open mic night. It’s one thing reading out your work to a seminar group, it’s quite another to get up on stage and do it. So I’ll admit that I’ll probably visit somewhere that does this a few times before I actually try it. There's no reason to sacrifice myself unawares to a baying mob! Any recommendations of places/events to check out, let me know please!

24. Take up tennis. I get addicted to Wimbledon every year and I’ve got a tennis court about a 45 minute walk away from me. There’s no reason not to have a go myself!

So here’s to my own personal New Year. Let’s see how many goals I can fulfil. I may do another post about my birthday weekend of fun next week, we shall see!

Happy Birthday to any fellow Pisceans and Happy Un-birthday to everyone else!

Hello 2011!

Remember me saying that I was certain 2011 was going to be a great year? Well, I still think that but it didn’t get off to a flying start. I started to feel a little odd on Boxing Day and then the next day, I woke up feeling a little achy and thought I must have slept funny. By that evening though it was clear that I’d caught something. Turns out I got the norovirus! I popped out Monday before I got really ill and today was the first day out since then. Felt absolutely rotten and bored beyond all possible belief. I had such a great pile of books for Christmas (mindful of how many Arthurian books I’d taken out of the library, Mum got me a stash of my own!) and I couldn’t read one, just didn’t have the energy.

Mum also got me Our Tragic Universe by Scarlett Thomas for Christmas. I read it last year and thought it was wonderful. I read it when I was in my government-funded job and was feeling just as lost as Meg in the book. I reviewed it on Vulpes Libris and it was my pick for November’s book of the month at the Big Green Bookshop. So to ease me back into reading I’m re-reading it. I’m finding Thomas’s prose just as delicious the second time round, but I’m curious to see if I respond to it as enthusiastically now that I feel more settled and focused.

So my big New Year wasn’t the greatest party ever. I admit to sitting in bed, hugging a hot water bottle and scowling when I could hear all the fireworks and the laughing and singing. This virus made me lose 4lbs! I had a new dress! I was going to look great and have a great time! Still, there’s always next weekend. But I did manage my usual New Year ritual of having a clear out. I like to start the year with a clean slate.

I’m back to work tomorrow. I was very annoyed that I had to take Thursday and Friday off last week, given that I’ve only been there five minutes, so I’m glad to get back there. I’m also going to ease myself back into my running, that’s one of my resolutions and another one is to always carry my alcohol hand rub with me! I don’t want anymore viruses!

And last but by no means least, I was very sad to hear this morning that Pete Postlethwaite, “the best actor in the world” according to Steven Speilberg, died yesterday. I really admired this man, he seemed a genuinely good bloke and was a brilliant actor. I first saw him in Dragonheart, years ago and he never disappointed me. I have a list of actors I really rate and want to see live on stage and he was on that list. I’m sad that I’ll never see him on stage, but I’m just glad that he’s left behind such a wealth of great film and TV work. He will be very sadly missed.

So this is my job.

Yesterday I had my first day working the reception solo. It was an evening shift and it was relatively quiet so that was good to ease me in. I think I did ok, I haven’t had any phone calls today to say I managed to totally screw up the system yesterday. I take it that’s a good sign? There’s a couple of things I need to go over again but otherwise I should be ok. I admit I was really nervous. But practice makes perfect!

It was pretty slow, so I will be certain to keep a notebook with me so that I can write once I’ve got everything I need to do done on the quiet days. I’m no shirker, but once I’ve prepped for the next day and there’s no one waiting, no tidying or faxing to be done, it makes sense to occupy myself. I think I’ll work on some short stories and reviews until the end of the year.

I am so grateful for this job and the freedom I suddenly have. I can give cash to charities which I like to do at Christmas, especially now that I’ve been blessed with some good fortune, it’s good to pass it on. I also got a thrill when I spotted something so perfect for the Pal and knew I could get it for him. I also treated myself too, to some clothes that I could also wear to work.

And now that I can stop worrying about finding a job and having enough money in my savings to dodge the dole, I can think about other things. Pray silence for the Things to Do Before the New Year list:

• Clear out wardrobe, give clothes to charity.
• Clear out bookshelves, give books to charity.
• Sort out the files under the bed.
• Sort out this year’s bank statements.
• Sort out a writing/running schedule for the New Year.
• Sort out make-up, throw away old/unused stuff.
• Type up handwritten notes.
• Clear up computer, documents, photos, emails.

This is a yearly list. I like to start the New Year fresh, with the decks totally cleared. Everything I don’t want or don’t use anymore is either recycled or given to charity, I try not to throw things away if I can help it.

Friday is my day off so I’ll start then. This weekend is mad busy, can you believe it’s the last one before Christmas? Vulpes Libris will be on hiatus from this Sunday until the New Year, so I’ve also got plenty of time to put together some reviews. And as I’ve already sorted my outfit for the New Year, there are no more worlds to conquer! So roll on 2011!

The girl got a job.

So remember my “inspirational” post yesterday wherein I said that I was certain that 2011 was going to be great? Turns out I’m a touch more psychic than I thought because guess who just got offered a job?

I had an interview on Tuesday for the role of part-time receptionist at a private clinic. I didn’t mention it because I didn’t want to jinx it, even though I came out feeling that I had got it. I tried not to dwell on that and I didn’t mention it to anyone because well, you don’t want to look an idiot if you don’t get it. But I did, as of about an hour ago. Good money, good job and because it’s part-time I can still write and I fully intend to put myself about (um, publishing-wise that is).

This is just the early Christmas present I needed. I’m very glad that I didn’t go back to the Job Centre, although I told myself that I’d have to in the New Year, funds not being what they were a few months ago. So this is well-timed. I feel really good about this job and I intend to celebrate this weekend by dipping into my savings one more time. Well, I’ve got to have a work wardrobe, haven’t I? And an outfit for New Year wouldn’t hurt, would it? After all I am ushering in a great year!

So to those of you that are out of work and feeling a bit rubbish – keep your chins up! I know that is the hardest thing you can do right now, but if you do remain positive, you’ll write better applications, you’ll come over better in interviews. And remember – it’s impossible that you’re going to be in this situation forever. Every no is just taking you closer to that yes. And I know that this isn’t my dream job, but it’s keeping me going while I work towards my overall goal. It’s good to see the bigger picture, but it’s also worthwhile thinking about the brushstrokes, the steps between you and your dream.

I should probably point out that this blog isn’t about finding a job anymore. But I’m going to keep writing – about trying to get published and working towards the dream goal. Life is still full of challenges!

The girl gets inspired.

I have just received the January edition of Zest magazine (I’ve got a subscription) and it’s brimming with inspiration for change in 2011. I am determined that 2011 will be fantastic, in fact I have a feeling that it will be. I had such a feeling about 2009 and I was right (well, apart from the last couple of months when I had my very first taste of unemployment). I had a feeling that 2010 wouldn’t be great and I was right again, it’s been mainly about managing disappointment. Which is a good lesson to learn actually, so it’s not been a wasted time.

But now I’m feeling much better, the job search is well underway and I can only receive so many no’s before I get a yes. And the writing is going well, I’m still plugging away which counts for something! You can’t publish something if you don’t write it after all.

This year has not been the greatest, unemployment and terrible jobs being the main reason. But we’ve also had our fair share of bad news. Sometimes you have a bad year, when everything that can go wrong in your family seems too, all at once. So I’m ready to let this year go in a few weeks time and only remember the fun times I had (yes, I did have some!)

But next year will be better. I have decided it. I don’t have any control over the bad news days, but I do have control over the things that can make me happy. It’s really easy to feel useless – after all, if I keep getting turned down for jobs there’s got to be a reason, right? And that reason must be that I’m useless, mustn’t it? Well, no actually. I know full well I’m not useless and I hate falling under that spell because that gets me nowhere except to the bottom of a large box of chocolates. The only way out of the hole is to climb out myself, no one’s going to throw me a ladder. And I spend so much time worrying about whether I can afford to go out, whether I can afford to have dinner with friends that life becomes unendingly dreary and sorry, but that’s not my bag.

So bring on 2011! I have great plans for you. And in case you’re wondering where I’m getting my sudden zeal from, check out Zest magazine and also check out some of these inspirational ladies: Natural Beautee, A Beautiful Mess, Skunkboy Creatures and The Bothered Owl.