Dear 2011, the year that was.

Oh how the times do change. This year has been great. Ok, so I don’t have the job I love (yet!), I didn’t win the lottery or get engaged to Richard Armitage (yet!). But I can honestly say that 2011, you have been good to me. Before we hit 2012, here are 12 things that 2011 taught me:

1. Things can only get better. This time last year I thought that things could only get better because they couldn’t get any worse. I know that things can only get better in 2012 because the foundations have been laid in 2011 for a great year and a great future.

2. Good times and bad times make a friendship. They say you learn who your true friends are when the shit hits the fan. But you also learn who really cares when things start coming up roses. Also you can stay friends with someone, even if they have buggered off to Australia. In-depth conversations about Buffy the Vampire Slayer are go! 

3. Having direction brings positivity. This year I finally realised what I wanted to do with my life. Or, more accurately, how I wanted to pursue it. In only a matter of weeks I will be starting a course, training as a make-up artist. This thrills and terrifies me in equal measure.

4. Never go back. Whatever old feelings might come crashing back, the past doesn’t change. Always move forward. Like a shark. Let it go and you open yourself up to much cooler things.

5. Personal style is important. I always used to say that I didn’t really care what I looked like, that what was inside was what mattered most. At the same time I didn’t want to look like everyone else. But this year I took control of my appearance. I threw away every item of clothing that I didn’t like, didn’t suit me, didn’t wear. I started to think about what I wore, how I did my hair. I started to think about what I bought. I bought and wore only things I loved – both new and vintage. It’s amazing how much a bright outfit that you feel really good in can make the day start in such a great way.

6. Dancing is essential to life. Not only is the best work out ever – I know this because I ache the next morning – it puts you in the best mood! No matter how crap your day, how tired you are or how blue, shaking it on a sticky dance floor to epic tunes will fill you with joy. Don’t even get me started on Zumba!

7. People are inspirational – find them. I have found such inspiration in the following blogs: GalaDarling.com (check out her book Love & Sequins – too good!); A Beautiful Mess; Bangsandabun.

8. Kundalini Yoga is an addiction. It just makes me feel so good – so calm and exhilarated afterwards. I’m totally addicted to it. I’m not the world’s greatest runner, this is much more my thing. I still try to run at least once a week though. Exercise really does make you feel great in your own skin.

9. Natural beauty is the ultimate. I use raw cocoa butter from Akoma which I melt down in silicone cupcake cases with a drop of olive oil and a few drops of essential oils. I use it as a massage bar and it is a delicious treat. Also, Lush facial skincare has been wonderful to me.

10. TV steals your soul. All right, that’s a bit dramatic. But I live in a house with people who worship the great soap trinity: Eastenders, Coronation Street, Emmerdale. I’ve always watched them too. Out of habit I flick on the TV when I’m cooking, cleaning, generally whenever I enter a room. I’ve well and truly shaken that habit and I’d encourage you to try it. These days I live for Doctor Who, Merlin and Downton Abbey (which jumped the shark big time, which I sort of love) but otherwise I rarely watch TV. It’s freed up so much time for exercise, writing, reading and chatting with friends.

11. Validation is important. Much as you might tell yourself that you are talented, much as your friends and family might agree, there is something really powerful about being told you’re good by a stranger.

12. Positivity breeds delight. Nothing is so awful that it can’t be faced. Look for the good and you’ll find it as surely as you’ll find the bad.

The Blog That Was: 2011 edition

So the blog has been running for over a year now and I’ve been reviewing for Vulpes Libris for over two years. As I’m planning stop blogging in 2012, I thought it might be nice to revisit some of the posts I’m most proud of as well as blogs from other people that have had a particular effect on me.

Dear London: In which I write a love letter to my city in the aftermath of the London riots.

Lessons to be Learned: In which I address the sneaking incipience of casual racism.

Define Thyself: In which I define myself. Obvs.

Ten years ago today: In which I give my personal memories of 11th September 2001.

Over to Vulpes Libris, where I say Goodbye to Harry Potter and friends and look at Arthurian Legend.

Now for other blogs:

This is porn to an organisation junkie like me: A Filofax love affair!

Inspiration for gloomy days: The Radical Self Love Manifesto and The Sad Trombone List.

Whenever procrastination hits, this is where I go: The Wild Donkey Guide To Getting Things Done

For happy days read My Top 50 Awesome Happy Things List and for giggles, watch Bangs Goes Rap.

And, last but not least, you should check out The Pursuit of Life. She’s a great friend of mine and she’s doing something pretty amazing!

The fat lady sings!

After a very long blogging break, some conclusions have been reached…

Firstly, just to let you know WHY I disappeared. I was working on the play. I handed in the final draft on the 30th November, but I’m not done with it. I’m planning to go back and start over with another strand that wasn’t able to this time round. The plan is to finish this version before the end of the year and then I can totally focus on my course.

But it wasn’t just the play that kept me from blogging. Life got a little in the way. It’s just that time of year for getting sociable and doing overtime. Add to that the sudden – frankly quite shocking – acquisition of a boyfriend, I haven’t exactly had time on my hands.

So, I’ve been having a think about the planned relaunch. I had such plans – weekly updates on my course, fashion/style posts, inspiration posts! It was going to be goooood. But unfortunately, given that I’ll be juggling my course, work, learning to drive, a relationship, my friendships and social life, not to mention continuing to write, something has to give. And unfortunately, I’ve decided that it’s this little blog.

Hopefully I’ll be back. I’d love to continue blogging once I’m more settled and have a few less things to focus on. That’s the plan at the moment – a sabbatical. But rather than just go dark like I did for the last month plus, I’d like to say so straight up.

Coming up over the next few weeks are a couple of winding down posts. Just to sum up the year I’ve had and the year I hope to have.

2011 has been pretty pivotal for me. Things changed massively. I was really glad to be able to share some of that with you.

Thanks

A new career.

I started this blog just over a year ago when I was unemployed and determined not to let it get me down. A lot has changed over a year. I got a job – not the job I wanted, granted, but it put money in the bank and paid my bills, which makes me luckier than many.

But over the year I’ve been thinking hard about my next step. Do I throw up my hands and just accept my life as it is? Do I hell. Quitting isn’t really my thing. Admitting defeat comes after the last resort. But the time had come for a re-think.

I knew what I loved. I knew what I loathed. I knew what I thought I would love to do every day and I knew what would make me want to leap out of the nearest window. So after months of thinking, I came to a decision.

I’m never giving up writing, it’s just what I do. Even if nothing I write makes it onto shelves, screen or stage, I’ll still do it. But I have decided that I’m not really designed to write for a living – it’s far too solitary a pursuit. That’s why I wrote so little when I was unemployed – when I’m busy and purposeful, I write so much more. So I had to figure out what job I wanted to do.

And I did. On Saturday, I put my deposit down and in January I will be starting to train as a make-up artist for tv, theatre and film. I am so excited by this. At the open day on Saturday, I was fascinated by everything and really appreciated being able to talk to the tutors and students.

I also decided to learn to drive. As a Londoner, I’ve never really felt the need. It’s just another expense, parking is a nightmare and it’s just so easy to get eveywhere by bus or tube. But if I can drive I’ll be able to take on so many more opportunities, I won’t have to worry about whther or not the trains will be running.

And it means that one day I will be able to fulfill my life time ambition of owning a Mini Cooper. But that’s by the by.

I feel like a year ago I was a totally different person. I have had such an incredible year and I already know that 2012 is going to be even better.

So, as I said before, the blog will probably change in the new year. I’m planning to do a weekly post about my course and also blog about the people and things that have inspired me this year and spurred me on. Things are in the pipeline.

Thanks to everyone who has read and commented on this blog over the last year. I’ve really appreciated it

Play it again

(Also known as – Announcement Number One)

A few months ago, a friend found a very small advert in the local paper. Angle Theatre were looking for new submissions. You had to submit three scenes with no more than five characters. Thankfully I had quite a while before the deadline because I totally blanked on ideas.

Then, on an incredibly hot summer day, I printed off my scenes and promptly decided to scrap one scene and write a new one. So I didn’t really hold out much hope given that I took it straight to the post office before the panic set in.

So off my little play went and I promptly forgot about it because I’m of the opinion that my thinking about it and worrying about how it is received doesn’t help anyone, least of all me.

Then last month I heard back. Not only did they like my play (!) I had actually made it onto a shortlist of six.

*Keels over*

Unfortunately, I received this news at work. We have recently been taken over so it’s likely that I scared my new boss because I totally freaked out.

I heard again this week that they won’t be producing my play in their January season as it’s not finished. However, they want me to finish it by 30th November in the hopes that it can get taken on by someone else.

But the absolute BEST news? A masterclass at the National Theatre Studio. So looking forward to this – I’ve only just finished reading about how they developed War Horse in that studio – and I’ll get to meet the other five on the shortlist. Will definitely be telling you all about that. There will be exclamation marks. You have been warned.

C-c-changes

(With apologies to David Bowie)

A lot has been happening in good old real life lately, but I haven’t been sharing them on the blog because I’m wary of jumping the gun. I mean, it’s one things to ring up your family and mates in a babbling mess, but to announce stuff on your blog can be very embarrassing if nothing comes of it. And, as we know, I am nothing if not proud.

So coming up over the next couple of days are two big announcements. The first is a stroke of luck that still has been pinching myself and I am so excited, I can’t describe it.

The second announcement is something that I’ve been considering for a very long time. It may also lead to a change in this blog as I will be a world away from the reason I started this blog in the first place. Life is about growing, shrugging off old skins and trying on new ones. I would like this blog to grow with me. But that’s for another post…

I have split my announcements into two posts so as not to bombard you. I have had an excellent weekend, I hope all of you have too. Really looking forward to sharing this stuff over the next couple of days!

The personal post.

Coming up is a personal post. As in, I’m not about to pass judgement on books or drama or riots. I’m here today to pass judgement on myself. So here goes.

I have always been pretty determined, some might say stubborn. Oh, all right, I am stubborn. This is not always a bad thing – it means I’m pretty focused on what I want and I am notoriously hard to talk into anything I don’t really want to do. (If you ever think you have me wrapped round your little finger – think again!)

However, the last few days I’ve been thinking about pride. I once had a row with someone and vowed never to speak to them again. I knew it was all blown out of proportion, but I did stick to it for, oooo, six months. We made up in the end, enough to almost embark on a romance. When I said that we shouldn’t get together, his response was “Is it because of your pride?” My first response was laughter – after all, the real reason had nothing to do with that and everything to do with the fact that we would have killed each other.

But it did give me pause. For someone to notice that about me must mean it’s a big deal. I don’t think I’m arrogant or anything like that, but I sure can stick to my guns, even when I know that I’m being silly. I’m just too proud to go back on something that I’ve said.

This is stupid. I mean, I didn’t speak to a friend because I vowed, in the heat of the moment, never to speak to him again. What sort of madness was this?

Part of that was knowing that if I apologised, he’d take the mick. But when we finally made up, it was relief on both sides. Six months, people! Six months of awkwardness, wondering what he was up to. Six months of not having my mate about.

So there we go. There’s my flaw – I am far too proud. It’s fiendishly difficult to overcome for various reasons. But I’m going to try. There’s just nothing to be gained from it is there. Maybe I won’t overcome it. But there’s something to be said for realising that about yourself.

Lessons to be learned.

I would just like to express my horror about what has happened in Norway. Over the last few days I've been watching the coverage with increasing unease. It was such a chillingly calculated attack - that sort of coldness really scares me.

But what really scares me is the increasing racism I see about me every day. Breivik was a Nationalist who attacked the Labour party because he believed they were allowing "the Islamification" of Norway and Europe. It would be a relief to be able to dismiss this as the belief of a crank, someone who - given his actions – was clearly an extremist. But...

Only days after the attack someone told me that they sort of understood where he was coming from - "foreigners taking over and all that". I was stunned. I mean, apart from the comment itself, when did it become ok to voice those views to someone you barely know? I - perhaps naively - thought that was the kind of sentiment you only revealed to people you knew well, who you trust to have similar views. The fact that it's now something that you can casually mention to someone you barely know suggests that this is a feeling that is growing in acceptance and that really scares me.

I grew up and still live in a very multi-cultural area. As a white girl at my school, I was actually in the minority. It never bothered me - it never occurred to me to be bothered. Everyone rubbed along well enough. But in the last couple of years, I've heard derogatory words bandied about like it's nothing. Racist sentiment seems to be on the rise, I’ve heard it and my friends have been on the receiving end of it. It is disgusting.

I really think we need to stop and think about this. I'll be honest - I am frustrated by people who move to our country and then just go on benefits. I'm as annoyed with them as I am with Brits who do the same. But I have no problem with people coming to our country, looking for a better life for their children, more opportunities. Surely we should be proud that when people want to get a better life for themselves they think this the place to do it?

We're all grown ups, can't we be mature enough to respect each other? When I mentioned this to a friend she said "It all kicked off with September 11th, didn't it?" The so-called "War on Terror" started and what it's mutated into is a war on difference. Why are we so terrified of people being different? This is the 21st century - we should have learned by now to be more inclusive, accepting and understanding of all walks of life.

I applaud the Norwegians for deciding that they will respond to these attacks with democracy rather than violence. There's definitely a lesson to be learned there.

A date to remember…

I’ll have a proper post soon, I promise. But I’ve been a tad busy with writing. Yes, that’s right – bye bye, writer’s block. Hellooooo juicy words!

I’ve also been getting a wee bit excited about the 16th July. The final Harry Potter will be out, Part Two of The Deathly Hallows. I’ll be there. I read Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone when I was 11, so the books are part of my childhood. I have my issues with the films – some casting I love, some I loathe, some stuff should not have been cut! – but I always go and watch them. It would have all ended back in 2007, but we’ve eeked another four years out of it thanks to the films and I CANNOT WAIT to see the last one. I’m going to LOVE it.

Here’s the trailer:

(Nowhere near enough Neville in this trailer)

16th July 2011. Put it in your diaries. The day you’ll all discover that I was right all these years. Neville Longbottom is a B.A.M.F.

The Royal Wedding.

I have to admit that I was not up for this. Mainly because the coverage was so intense from the moment William and Kate announced their engagement, so I reached saturation point pretty quickly.

But my Mum kept watching these documentaries about how they met and I thought what a lovely pair they seemed. Forget the fact that he’s a prince and will one day be King of England, he’s just a lovely bloke (and doesn’t sound half as posh as David Cameron or Ben Fogle, which is strange). And she is sweet.

So yes, it dawned on me that it wasn’t just a royal wedding, but the wedding of two people who, despite the pressures, are very much in love.

I’d been working 12hr shifts most of the week, but I was up bright and early to watch the wedding with the fam.

She looked beautiful – what a dress! He looked handsome, the best man looked dashing and the Abbey looked stunning. Me and sis are planning to check it out on Tuesday after work. I have already decided what to wear. Just in case.

We are currently living in turbulent times and perhaps this wedding and the all day coverage seemed frivolous in comparison to what is going on in Syria and Libya. But it reminded me that there is joy to be found in this world. Joy, beauty and, most importantly of all, love.

Hello 2011!

Remember me saying that I was certain 2011 was going to be a great year? Well, I still think that but it didn’t get off to a flying start. I started to feel a little odd on Boxing Day and then the next day, I woke up feeling a little achy and thought I must have slept funny. By that evening though it was clear that I’d caught something. Turns out I got the norovirus! I popped out Monday before I got really ill and today was the first day out since then. Felt absolutely rotten and bored beyond all possible belief. I had such a great pile of books for Christmas (mindful of how many Arthurian books I’d taken out of the library, Mum got me a stash of my own!) and I couldn’t read one, just didn’t have the energy.

Mum also got me Our Tragic Universe by Scarlett Thomas for Christmas. I read it last year and thought it was wonderful. I read it when I was in my government-funded job and was feeling just as lost as Meg in the book. I reviewed it on Vulpes Libris and it was my pick for November’s book of the month at the Big Green Bookshop. So to ease me back into reading I’m re-reading it. I’m finding Thomas’s prose just as delicious the second time round, but I’m curious to see if I respond to it as enthusiastically now that I feel more settled and focused.

So my big New Year wasn’t the greatest party ever. I admit to sitting in bed, hugging a hot water bottle and scowling when I could hear all the fireworks and the laughing and singing. This virus made me lose 4lbs! I had a new dress! I was going to look great and have a great time! Still, there’s always next weekend. But I did manage my usual New Year ritual of having a clear out. I like to start the year with a clean slate.

I’m back to work tomorrow. I was very annoyed that I had to take Thursday and Friday off last week, given that I’ve only been there five minutes, so I’m glad to get back there. I’m also going to ease myself back into my running, that’s one of my resolutions and another one is to always carry my alcohol hand rub with me! I don’t want anymore viruses!

And last but by no means least, I was very sad to hear this morning that Pete Postlethwaite, “the best actor in the world” according to Steven Speilberg, died yesterday. I really admired this man, he seemed a genuinely good bloke and was a brilliant actor. I first saw him in Dragonheart, years ago and he never disappointed me. I have a list of actors I really rate and want to see live on stage and he was on that list. I’m sad that I’ll never see him on stage, but I’m just glad that he’s left behind such a wealth of great film and TV work. He will be very sadly missed.

So this is my job.

Yesterday I had my first day working the reception solo. It was an evening shift and it was relatively quiet so that was good to ease me in. I think I did ok, I haven’t had any phone calls today to say I managed to totally screw up the system yesterday. I take it that’s a good sign? There’s a couple of things I need to go over again but otherwise I should be ok. I admit I was really nervous. But practice makes perfect!

It was pretty slow, so I will be certain to keep a notebook with me so that I can write once I’ve got everything I need to do done on the quiet days. I’m no shirker, but once I’ve prepped for the next day and there’s no one waiting, no tidying or faxing to be done, it makes sense to occupy myself. I think I’ll work on some short stories and reviews until the end of the year.

I am so grateful for this job and the freedom I suddenly have. I can give cash to charities which I like to do at Christmas, especially now that I’ve been blessed with some good fortune, it’s good to pass it on. I also got a thrill when I spotted something so perfect for the Pal and knew I could get it for him. I also treated myself too, to some clothes that I could also wear to work.

And now that I can stop worrying about finding a job and having enough money in my savings to dodge the dole, I can think about other things. Pray silence for the Things to Do Before the New Year list:

• Clear out wardrobe, give clothes to charity.
• Clear out bookshelves, give books to charity.
• Sort out the files under the bed.
• Sort out this year’s bank statements.
• Sort out a writing/running schedule for the New Year.
• Sort out make-up, throw away old/unused stuff.
• Type up handwritten notes.
• Clear up computer, documents, photos, emails.

This is a yearly list. I like to start the New Year fresh, with the decks totally cleared. Everything I don’t want or don’t use anymore is either recycled or given to charity, I try not to throw things away if I can help it.

Friday is my day off so I’ll start then. This weekend is mad busy, can you believe it’s the last one before Christmas? Vulpes Libris will be on hiatus from this Sunday until the New Year, so I’ve also got plenty of time to put together some reviews. And as I’ve already sorted my outfit for the New Year, there are no more worlds to conquer! So roll on 2011!

The girl got a job.

So remember my “inspirational” post yesterday wherein I said that I was certain that 2011 was going to be great? Turns out I’m a touch more psychic than I thought because guess who just got offered a job?

I had an interview on Tuesday for the role of part-time receptionist at a private clinic. I didn’t mention it because I didn’t want to jinx it, even though I came out feeling that I had got it. I tried not to dwell on that and I didn’t mention it to anyone because well, you don’t want to look an idiot if you don’t get it. But I did, as of about an hour ago. Good money, good job and because it’s part-time I can still write and I fully intend to put myself about (um, publishing-wise that is).

This is just the early Christmas present I needed. I’m very glad that I didn’t go back to the Job Centre, although I told myself that I’d have to in the New Year, funds not being what they were a few months ago. So this is well-timed. I feel really good about this job and I intend to celebrate this weekend by dipping into my savings one more time. Well, I’ve got to have a work wardrobe, haven’t I? And an outfit for New Year wouldn’t hurt, would it? After all I am ushering in a great year!

So to those of you that are out of work and feeling a bit rubbish – keep your chins up! I know that is the hardest thing you can do right now, but if you do remain positive, you’ll write better applications, you’ll come over better in interviews. And remember – it’s impossible that you’re going to be in this situation forever. Every no is just taking you closer to that yes. And I know that this isn’t my dream job, but it’s keeping me going while I work towards my overall goal. It’s good to see the bigger picture, but it’s also worthwhile thinking about the brushstrokes, the steps between you and your dream.

I should probably point out that this blog isn’t about finding a job anymore. But I’m going to keep writing – about trying to get published and working towards the dream goal. Life is still full of challenges!

The girl gets inspired.

I have just received the January edition of Zest magazine (I’ve got a subscription) and it’s brimming with inspiration for change in 2011. I am determined that 2011 will be fantastic, in fact I have a feeling that it will be. I had such a feeling about 2009 and I was right (well, apart from the last couple of months when I had my very first taste of unemployment). I had a feeling that 2010 wouldn’t be great and I was right again, it’s been mainly about managing disappointment. Which is a good lesson to learn actually, so it’s not been a wasted time.

But now I’m feeling much better, the job search is well underway and I can only receive so many no’s before I get a yes. And the writing is going well, I’m still plugging away which counts for something! You can’t publish something if you don’t write it after all.

This year has not been the greatest, unemployment and terrible jobs being the main reason. But we’ve also had our fair share of bad news. Sometimes you have a bad year, when everything that can go wrong in your family seems too, all at once. So I’m ready to let this year go in a few weeks time and only remember the fun times I had (yes, I did have some!)

But next year will be better. I have decided it. I don’t have any control over the bad news days, but I do have control over the things that can make me happy. It’s really easy to feel useless – after all, if I keep getting turned down for jobs there’s got to be a reason, right? And that reason must be that I’m useless, mustn’t it? Well, no actually. I know full well I’m not useless and I hate falling under that spell because that gets me nowhere except to the bottom of a large box of chocolates. The only way out of the hole is to climb out myself, no one’s going to throw me a ladder. And I spend so much time worrying about whether I can afford to go out, whether I can afford to have dinner with friends that life becomes unendingly dreary and sorry, but that’s not my bag.

So bring on 2011! I have great plans for you. And in case you’re wondering where I’m getting my sudden zeal from, check out Zest magazine and also check out some of these inspirational ladies: Natural Beautee, A Beautiful Mess, Skunkboy Creatures and The Bothered Owl.