The Dreaded Block.

So it’s been a while, eh, blogosphere? Much as I would like to blame my busy and exciting lifestyle (which would be sort of true, given that I haven’t had a proper lay-in in, oooohhh, a month?) it wouldn’t be wholly correct.

Confession time: I think I may have writer’s block.

Now that’s not exactly shameful. Not like kicking puppies or stealing sweets (neither of which I condone. Obviously). But it is really hard for me to admit because until now I never believed in writer’s block. I was pretty vocal about it too:

“I don’t believe in writer’s block. Just write. If you feel blocked write your way through it. Anything else is laziness.”

Oh the naivety. Also, what an annoying git I sounded – why did no one smack me upside the head??

Whether it’s flash fiction, short stories or novels, it always takes me a while to get into the story. The first 100 – 5,000 words are never great. It’s like wearing in a new pair of shoes. I start by feeling my way, then once it’s comfy I can go back with a new awareness of what I’m doing and tighten up (or scrap!) those first words. But with this new story I’m suffering The Curse of the Second Album. The first novel flowed, I could think of nothing else, I enjoyed every word, half the time I couldn’t type quick enough. I was really proud of it in the end.

But now… I had a big writing sesh, saw the problems and stopped to regroup. Only instead of regrouping in came the doubts. Could I really churn out another 100,000 words of coherent plot and character? The ideas evaporated or just couldn’t be heard anymore. And the truth? Haven’t touched Novel Number 2 for a month.

Gulp.

I thought writer’s block was a lack of ideas and I’ve been there before – how do I get out of this corner? What happens now? What is she going to say to that? And yes, writing can get you out of that because it gets you thinking. Turns out that I was wrong though, at least as far as I’m concerned.

Writer’s block is fear. It’s the fear of not being able to do it again, not being good enough, it’s the fear of having no ideas.

But I still think I was right. The solution to any writing based problem is to WRITE MORE. Yes, the first 100 – 1,000 – 5,000 words will probably suck but there’s no other way to shift the block, to clear away the debris and come up shiny and new again. The beauty of writing is that you don’t have to stick with what you got the first time round, you can change, polish, rearrange. No one has to see your purple prose!

So now I’m going to take my own advice. In between the weddings, the cinema, the BBQs, I will be writing. Fear be damned!

The Royal Wedding.

I have to admit that I was not up for this. Mainly because the coverage was so intense from the moment William and Kate announced their engagement, so I reached saturation point pretty quickly.

But my Mum kept watching these documentaries about how they met and I thought what a lovely pair they seemed. Forget the fact that he’s a prince and will one day be King of England, he’s just a lovely bloke (and doesn’t sound half as posh as David Cameron or Ben Fogle, which is strange). And she is sweet.

So yes, it dawned on me that it wasn’t just a royal wedding, but the wedding of two people who, despite the pressures, are very much in love.

I’d been working 12hr shifts most of the week, but I was up bright and early to watch the wedding with the fam.

She looked beautiful – what a dress! He looked handsome, the best man looked dashing and the Abbey looked stunning. Me and sis are planning to check it out on Tuesday after work. I have already decided what to wear. Just in case.

We are currently living in turbulent times and perhaps this wedding and the all day coverage seemed frivolous in comparison to what is going on in Syria and Libya. But it reminded me that there is joy to be found in this world. Joy, beauty and, most importantly of all, love.

Writing myths

Anyone even vaguely interested in writing will have heard several key phrases about how to go about it. Some of them are golden rules that really help you and should be obeyed nearly all the time. Some though are of the pick and mix variety – use them if they work for you but don’t feel guilty if you decide to chuck them out of the window.

Kill your darlings.

Yes. This is a good one. I’m not saying that if you find yourself looking at a sentence going “Cor, I’m a genius. That is really good!” that you should immediately hit the delete button. But you might find yourself unable to remove something even though you sense that it probably needs to go or someone has suggested it doesn’t work. Sometimes people are wrong when they say that line needs to go. But if several people have said it and you’re still stubbornly sticking by it, claiming that it’s “too good” to lose, then you might need to reconsider.

Don’t just delete it because someone has told you to. But take a step back. Don’t look at it for a while. Go write something else, ride a horse, dance the conga, do something to clear your head of it. Hopefully you’ll be more objective when you come back. The idea is, never get so attached to a line, a scene, a character, a plot that you are willing to sacrifice the story to keep it. The beauty of taking time a break from the story is that when you come back and realise it does need to go, you’ll have distance and it won’t hurt to hit the delete button.

Write what you know.

This one I have some issues with. Mainly because I find it restrictive in its literal interpretation. If I only wrote what I know then all my characters would live in London, be part of single-parent families and have working class chips on their shoulders. Boring! Boring for me to write more than once, boring to read and boring for the characters because everyone will be pretty much the same.

I think this literal interpretation has stemmed from the idea that all writing is in some way autobiographical. If you write a story about a girl who’s not allowed to see her boyfriend – that must have happened to you. If you write a story about a guy who steals a motorbike – that must have happened to you. I find that really frustrating because it’s not always true. Yes, there are things in my life that have inspired my writing, but no more than the books I’ve read or the films I’ve watched have inspired my writing. It’s an argument that falters when you consider something like Jurassic Park.

However, I don’t think that this advice was ever meant to be taken literally. I think it’s true on a deep level – you need to understand, to know, your characters and what they feel in order to write something that rings true. Say you sit down to write about a girl who wants vengeance on the gang that killed her brother. You really have to think that through, think how you’d feel, what you’d do, before you start to write. It’s all very well to write what you think is the correct response but it’s not going to be truly complex, compelling and real until you’ve understood it. Walk a mile in your character’s shoes, only then are you going to know them well enough to write their stories.

Write. Just write.

In the words of Sally – yes, yes, yes, yes, YES!

I once read that Alan Bennett’s first draft of The History Boys was terrible. But it has since become a critically acclaimed hit and was made into a film. Not bad for something that wasn’t great from the word go, eh?

Because that’s the secret – nothing is ever great the first time round. Nobody is ever so good at something the first time that they never get any better. The same goes for your writing. Get it out, get it onto the page, the screen, wherever you’re most comfortable with and worry about whether it’s any good later. You cannot polish something that isn’t there.

My personal mantra is:

Write now. Worry later.

It’s been a while…

Wow, that hiatus went on longer that I had planned. Sorry about that! It was brought on by madness at work and madness at home. I felt like I was constantly rushing through a To-Do List that was getting ever longer. Things have chilled out slightly. I’m still pretty busy, but I’m managing things a bit better now.

Yesterday I went to Leon with some pals that I haven’t seen if fo’eva! It was so good just to sit there and chat and catch up. I was also all over that hummus and that lemon, ginger and mint drink. I love good and simple food and this was delicious.

In other news, while I’ve been away (running, doing yoga, wondering about trying Kundalini yoga because I’ve never tried it before) I’ve read Popco by Scarlett Thomas. I finished it yesterday and oh, the joy! I already loved Our Tragic Universe, but Popco really made me think. And then I read this about veganism: What I Discovered When I went Vegan for 30 Days. It’s interesting because it’s not just about the ethics, but the fact that it actually made this guy healthier. I don’t drink milk anymore – I am now totally addicted to rice milk – but I’m still eating cheese. I hardly ever eat butter but I do consume vast quantities of peanut butter because it’s just too good! I phased out meat until one day, realising I could do it, I cut it out altogether. So I think I’ll try that with veganism. I’d be interested to see if it has the same physical effect on me as the guy in the article.

Right, I promise I won’t be away forever like last time. I’ve already got a new post planned!

Hiatus.

Due to frankly mad things occurring in real life including Work! Computers! General Social Meltdown! my Project 21 is going on hiatus. As I am for a week or so, just till I can get things straight.

See you on the other side of the madness!

Project 21.

“Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.”
- George Bernard Shaw

 

That's a pretty well known quote, one that's probably been heard so often that it's lost all its meaning. I definitely heard it a lot when I was a teenager, it seemed apt for such a time of change. But I didn't like it, I thought it meant falseness. After all, I was also being told to love myself for who I was so surely that was at odds with Shaw's sentiment? What was so wrong with me as I was that I needed to "create" myself anew? 

But the times are changing and suddenly I'm feeling fonder of that phrase. When you were a teenager you may have consoled yourself with the idea of who you were going to become. When you were struggling zits and unrequited love did you imagine that wonderful "one day" when you'd be gorgeous and glowing, with the ability to win the hearts of everyone? We all did, right? (Or am I just giving way too much insight into my teenage angst?)

Thing is - what's stopping you being that person? Some things that you wanted when you were 15 you no longer want. Others things stick with you. Several things stuck for me and while I wish that they would come naturally - heaven knows it would make life easier - they're not going to. So Project 21 is about my attempts to "create" myself. 

Three weeks seems an excellent length of time to embark on something, to see if I like it, can integrate it into my life and whether I think it's actually worth hanging on to. I'll choose something I want to try and make a part of my life and do it for 21 days. I'll blog once a week about it because every day is probably a bit excessive!

My first Project 21 is going to be yoga. I was very into it a few years ago when I was in college, before my uni schedule swept it away. Since then I've thought longingly of those early morning and late night stretches, but once you're out of the habit it's hard to get back into it.

I intend to practice yoga every day for 21 days, starting today.

I'm going to check out my local Jivamukti centre for and at the very least I'll be practicing a 20 minute or so Sun Salutation, preferably in the morning although my twice-weekly 6am starts will mean a couple of evening sessions. The aim is just to do it every day. 

I've already got an idea for Project 21 take 2 so here's hoping this first one goes well!

24 before 25.

Today is my 24th birthday. I’ve got the day off work so I’m off for a facial and massage with Mum and Nan (thank you, Groupon, for the dead cheap voucher) and then perhaps to Camden. The day is to be rounded off with some yummy food and some cake.

But I’ve been thinking recently that a birthday should be more than just an excuse to pamper yourself and get presents. It’s your own personal New Year!

I was inspired by this post last year and decided that I would do my own list. Reading over my list, there’s an awful lot of craft and learning based goals. Trying something new or rediscovering something I used to love. Here’s hoping these goals will really enrich my year! Some of these goals are ones that will have a result at the end of it, some of them are a little more fluid.

1. Actively pursue looking for an agent. I need to focus on it, rather than just browsing sites when I have a minute and then forgetting to do anything about it.

2. Get faster, go further. Seriously want to improve my running. I already have a regular monthly running date with a friend, so I  really want to focus on upping my personal best each time. And then totally smash it.

3. Finish up Novel Number 2, The Daddy. Slightly more of a challenge than I thought it would be as I’m still finishing up the edits on Novel Number 1.

4. Buy (at least) 3 vintage/second-hand/charity shop dresses. Better for the environment and I’ll have something no one else has. Already planning a trip to a vintage fair on Sunday!

5. Sew a new item of clothing for myself, I haven’t since I made a skirt when I was 15. I might even treat myself to this kit.

6. Knit a jumper. I can knit a scarf, but I want to make clothing. And this also means learning to read a pattern. Which may as well be in Hindi for all the sense I can currently make of them.

7. Give up bread! This isn’t some bizarre diet attempt. I absolutely adore bread, but it makes me lazy. If I can’t be bothered to cook, I know I can fill up on a couple of slices of toast. If I vow to eat less bread, then it will encourage me to cook more. Expand my culinary repertoire!

8. Visit an outdoor adventure place. I don’t think this needs more explanation really does it?

9. Look into a course about web design. I know precisely nothing about anything technical, but I’d love to know more. I can’t think of a better way to learn than by going back to school.

10. Finish up that epic poem and make it up into a book, complete with illustrations! I started it in 2009 and I’m very fond of it so I want to see it finished to see how the story ends. When I did GCSE I particularly loved the drawing stage, I found it really relaxing, even if some of the designs were beyond my sewing capabilities! But now I put it off because I’m not that good at it so I think it’s about time I rediscovered the fun and perhaps with practice I’ll get better!

11. Listen to more radio programmes. I kept hearing about someone in The Archers falling off a roof and realised that radio can get you talking just as much as TV. Also, I need to get out of this habit of getting into watching something just because it’s on in the room I happen to be in.

12. Knit a sock. Yes, just the one. Two if I can manage it, but I hear tell that socks are fiendishly difficult so one would make me very proud indeed!

13. See the very last Harry Potter film and really enjoy it. All too often I think – not as good as the book and terribly cast. But this series has been part of my life since I was 11 years old and thanks to the films I didn’t have to say goodbye when the last book was published in 2007. So I’m going to enjoy this!

14. Do the splits! Yes, this is a dream of mine.

15. See three new plays. I love the theatre, but I find it expensive and booking tickets always seems to be such a hassle (is it just me? But I can never find three seats together on the same night that aren’t the price of a champion racehorse!)

16. Make a real go of some freelancing work.

17. Join a club. I haven’t really thought this one through because I don’t know what club! But I’m going to keep my eyes peeled for something interesting and hope I can meet some inspiring new people. A London writers club would be wonderful. Any ideas, let me know!

18. Go to a big sewing/knitting/vintage/craft event. I love craft, do-it-yourself and vintage and all the blogs seem to find these events a lot of fun. So I’d like to join in on that fun and maybe learn something new.

19. Visit an antiques fair. I blame Kirsty Allsopp for this.

20. Visit Wales. I hear they have great trails there. And a howies shop…

21. Go horse-riding. I think the last time I rode I was about 14 when I was working in a stable. Then came the GSCEs, the A-levels and university. Time to get back in the saddle I reckon!

22. Join a pottery class or at least make a coil pot at home. Again – enough with the “Ooo, that looks good, I’d like to try that.” I’m going to do it!

23. Do a poetry open mic night. It’s one thing reading out your work to a seminar group, it’s quite another to get up on stage and do it. So I’ll admit that I’ll probably visit somewhere that does this a few times before I actually try it. There's no reason to sacrifice myself unawares to a baying mob! Any recommendations of places/events to check out, let me know please!

24. Take up tennis. I get addicted to Wimbledon every year and I’ve got a tennis court about a 45 minute walk away from me. There’s no reason not to have a go myself!

So here’s to my own personal New Year. Let’s see how many goals I can fulfil. I may do another post about my birthday weekend of fun next week, we shall see!

Happy Birthday to any fellow Pisceans and Happy Un-birthday to everyone else!